by Ryan Jensen
September 30, 2019
The following letter was written and prepared by our Line Producer John Lindquist as a practical joke. It’s main target was Producer/Director McClain Lindquist. It was presented to him half way through filming as a serious letter. It’s jokes like this that can drive a man to madness.
Producers of Tell-Tale Heart,
On behalf of the fine women and men dedicated to keeping houses and hotels clean and orderly, I send this correspondence with some trepidation.
It has come to our attention that on your film set the actions you’ve assigned to the domestic help provider as portrayed by the character Narrator, cast an unflattering light on all maids, house cleaners, manservants and butlers.
The domestic care industry has a long tradition of quality.
While domestic and household accidents are the leading cause of death in the country, servant upon employer violence constitutes a mere 38% of that number. The character of the Narrator is unfair to the 62% of our union members who do not participate in homicide.
We would also like to point out that of the 38% of members who are murderers, only 15% participate in dismemberment, and fewer that 3% bury their victims within the house—almost all of the entirety of the murders committed by domestic help result in the victim being discarded off premises.
Would you consider asking Mr. Poe to rewrite the story to have an ending in which the Narrator and his employer go for a walk? Perhaps they could have a difficult conversation about incontinence which would still provide some creative tension. While we respect Mr. Poe’s creative process, we are concerned with the damage to reputation to our union members.
Maybe Mr. Poe could have the police be the villains, as this seems more realistic.
James “Jimmy” Boanerges
Authorized Representative of UUDW